It was a stupid feeling, he knew in his mind. He felt like the sheer numbers of people were all in some way more special then he. It felt like this because... he felt like in a basic way, he was the same as them, which made no sense. Wasn't he a wizard? Didn't this Hogwarts place call him somehow? Wasn't he gifted with one eternal friend who was his and his alone, as well as the rest the others would make, flawed friends with no true understanding of each other?

No. Shaking his head, Raphael dismissed all his mind threw at him. He was the same as the people walking the lonely London streets outside the cab. He didn't know why, then, that Hogwarts was the place for him, but he knew he was the same as the people walking the streets. Nobody had chosen him to be a soul companion, it was just luck and circumstance, he knew, although he didn't know how or what had occurred to make it as such. And this... it hurt as he realised what he felt.. it hurt so much... he was less. Wasn't he surrounded by magic? And yet unable to learn?

Why was the situation so familiar to him?

Why was nothing different?

Snapping out his reverie, and seeing that on the other side of Sarah, Nathaniel was staring out the windows and into the morning light, Raphael decided that enough was enough. He was bored. He wanted to talk.

"So," he said conversationally, and quietly, so that the details of the conversation would be lost on the driver should it turn 'magical' in any way. "What time do you think we'll get to this school place?" he asked of Sarah, and then, even quieter, he addressed Nathaniel: "do you know what we are going to be studying yet?"

A brief glance to the front of the cab showed that the glass sliding window was closed and the little light that indicated the driver could hear the conversation in the back was off. The driver was also listening to the BBC news intently, with occasional exclamations of support or denial.

"Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, and Herbology." Nathaniel rattled off absentmindedly. "Then there are the options. Sarah knows those better than I, I've forgotten the ones I'm not taking. I can't take alchemy this year because you need good grades in Potions, which I obviously don't have. Myth and Folklore is one I'm taking, I don't want to do Muggle Studies. Duelling sounds like fun even though I doubt I'll be any use at it. Ancient runes and Magical languages go hand in hand, so that's me up to four out of five. The last choice... I don't know whether to take Divination or Hidden Talents. I'll probably take Divination on the off chance that I might show an inkling of talent at it. Not much hidden about me."

Sarah was lost in her own thoughts as the cab moved up Tottenham Court Road and none of these were nearly as profound as Raphael's or Nathaniel's.

She had smiled when Nathaniel had said there wasn't much hidden about him. In her experience, most people wore various masks and kept parts of themselves hidden sometimes even from themselves. She included herself in this observation.

After Nathaniel had given Raphael the list of classes, she filled in the blanks, "You forgot to mention History of Magic which is compulsory. It is rather boring. A chance for most of us to catch up on our sleep. Care of Magical Creatures is another option. I love it and the teacher who takes the class is just the best.

He's been looking after my pet snake all summer for me. Talked Prof. Sprout into letting him stay in one of the greenhouses that is given over to her tropical plant collection. There's also Astronomy - you need a telescope for that. Oh yeah I forgot - Arithmancy, which is very mathematical. Not my strong point I'm afraid."

She then addressed Raphael's question about the time of arrival at Hogwarts.

"I am not sure exactly how many hours it takes and I suspect being a magical train that it travels a little differently anyway. We leave at eleven and arrive just after dark so about eight hours journey. I hope to be with you when you see the school for the first time. It is really something especially seen at night."

London continued to slip by past the windows and Nathaniel watched it in a kind of dream. His family had been living in Thamesmead - a godforsaken suburb of London - for over a year, since his father had gotten the desk job. Nathaniel would be the first to admit that he hated the dirty city, but it had a way of endearing itself to the heart none the less.

"Euston, Paddington, train station please, make the red lights turn green, end of the street. The black cab rolls through the neon disease...." he hummed under his breath. Would he miss the city he hated? Undoubtedly. Would he be glad to be away from it? Also undoubtedly.

The kitten on his lap suddenly snuggled closer to him and purred a little, and he petted it absentmindedly.

Raphael couldn't help it when he started to get interested. "Potions... I can guess that... like, bottling the 'elixir of love'," he trudged up from memory, incorrectly, "that kind of thing. Charms... sounds like that's a good one for the guys. Like, turning on the charms?"

He didn't expect a response to the joke from either Sarah or Nathaniel. Just as he said it he realised just how poor it was. Rushing on, and trying to control his mouth before it controlled him, he continued. "Transfiguration... er... whatever. And Herbology sounds... I gotta say it... witch-like. Like, simmering cauldrons and stuff. With dried stuff in the background. Er. And Defence against Dark Arts sounds interesting," he said, quietly.

"Ancient Runes sounds okay," he muttered, counting his fingers just as Nathaniel had, "and so does Divination. And duelling - that sounds really fun! Can you throw fireballs and stuff?" he asked Sarah rather loudly, and got a strange glance from the cabby, although he didn't notice. "But what's hidden talents?"

Sarah did give a little smile at Raphael's jokes. It was reassuring to know he was interested in such matters.

"Well, Raphael you seem to be doing rather well in the Charms Department with or without magic. As for Love Potions, believe it or not they are banned at school. I mean if they weren't could you imagine what the school would be like?"

She listened as he mentioned the other classes commenting on a few, "Potions is probably more 'witch-like' than Herbology but the two classes are closely linked as we study the properties of various plants and cultivate rare ones."

On the fireball question, she looked amused as the cabby gave them a strange glance, "Oh, yes you do but all quite controlled. It's to practice reflexes in spell casting and quick thinking on counter spells and the like."

She didn't take duelling, she wasn't allowed to on her parents' instructions.

"As for Hidden Talents - it's new this year so we are not sure. From the letter from the Deputy Headmaster we got, it seems to be about skills that were more unusual or forgotten. A lot of the magic we do is very book orientated, rather than spontaneous so I think it is looking at those talents rather than the developed skills or something."

She then noted that Nathaniel was humming softly, "Back there in the bookshop when you heard we had no electricity at Hogwarts you said that you missed your music already. What sort of music is it that you like?"

The cat made Nathaniel aware that she was talking to him by simple dint of sinking a single claw into Nathaniel's thumb just a little.

"Hmmm? Oh. .. yeah. Just ... music." he shrugged, then hastily added, "Muggle music, that is. Tchaikovsky to Moloko and back again via the Ministry of Sound and Fats Domino. Just a ... fondness for it. Natural rhythm, the other kids at school called it, and an ear for a tune. I guess next summer holidays will be time enough to catch up on it."

Summer holidays. Now there was a sobering thought. Hogwarts would apparently let him stay for Christmas and Easter holidays - which would be better than spending it thoroughly alone in Cornwall - but he had to go somewhere for the summer holidays.

He turned his thoughts away from that prospect quickly. Enough shame that he was all Muggle and non-magical, without anyone knowing the rest.

"At least," he added with a smile that didn't quite dispel the sadness in his eyes, "I got to bring some of my books with me. That's not so bad."

"Strange as it may seem," said Sarah in mock sobriety, "Music also is known to wizarding folk. We still sing and make music with instruments that don't need electricity. I mean they have groups and singers that are popular in the wizarding world. Just a little stranger than the muggle ones. Some of the bands even have been known to 'cross over' and pass for muggle which is very strange."

She paused, "We also have dances at the school on occasion."

Nathaniel stared fixedly out of the window to hide his embarrassment. It just was going to be one of those days, he knew it, and nothing he did was going to go or sound right.

He muttered something to the windowpane that sounded, if one was paying attention, like "miss my stereo system, but it doesn't really matter anyway."

"Dances. Sounds fun." he said brightly a few minutes later. "Oh, look, we're there." He leapt out of the taxi almost as soon as it came to a halt outside the station concourse and passed a ten pound note to the driver with instructions to keep the change.

"Hey, Raphael, can you go find a luggage trolley?" he asked as he laid hands on the battered trunk. He'd seen Raphael look a bit pale while they were loading the taxi, and he thought that maybe he still had a headache from the fall. The last thing Raphael would want was to spend ages hauling it all out of the taxi again...

Sarah mentally kicked herself for teasing Nathaniel about the music. *Way to go girl*, she knew that boys' self-esteem could be quite fragile and that teasing them wasn't a good idea unless you were good mates.

Therefore, she was also glad that they had arrived at the station. She was quite used to lugging her own trunk around so was quite happy to assist in the unloading of the taxi though again was slightly unsure whether she should offer in case this undermined Raphael's confidence.

She was saved by the cabby who wishing to pick up his next fare got out and assisted in the unloading of the taxi. There was a couple of luggage trolleys nearby and Sarah commandeered one for their usage.

"Hey, Raphael, can you go find a luggage trolley?"

"Ur, yerwhat?" replied Raphael, his mind already fully buzzing with ideas. He had been listening to Sarah - and his mind had even managed to stay on what she was saying, most of the time, anyway, even through the buzzing headache - and what she had been saying about music... no proper music. He somehow didn't think that the place would provide the music he wanted. Would there be radios and stuff? He needed rhythm sometimes! How would he cope if he could only listen to music when a band was around?

Seeing, that in his reverie, Sarah had already grabbed the relevant trolleys, Raphael grabbed his comparatively tiny bag and slung it over both shoulders. Then, moving around Nathaniel to help with the luggage, he and the taxi driver removed what looked like a practically Neolithic chest box thing out of the cab.

Trying not to show just how different they were in terms of stuff, Raphael started pulling the trolley's loaded with Nathaniel and Sarah's stuff into the station, flicking his last two pound coin at the cabby to try and serve as a tip, hoping that behind him, the others would pay before they caught up with him. "Last, um, money," he had said to Sarah, with a slight cringe on his face. "You make up the rest?" he'd continued.

He didn't want to look at her expression. She's probably thinking what a bum I am, he thought to himself. And that's what I am - a bum. Bad thought were echoing in his head and he scowled at a passer-by nastily enough so that he went pale and hurried off.

And then, he saw platform nine. And platform ten. And a wall in between. Without thinking about it, he muttered to the world at large, "it's gonna be one of those days, innit?"

"I think Nathaniel paid him." she said with a shrug and said no more. Arriving at Platforms 9 & 10, she appeared non-plussed by the wall between the two platforms.

"Can you stay here with the stuff while Nathaniel and I get hold of some food and drinks before we go through to the train. Do you want one of those fancy coffee things: latte, mocha, cappuccino or whatever?"

Nathaniel shrugged back into his indigo over robe. It didn't look too out of place swinging open over his dark clothes, let's face it, London saw some weird fashions in its average day, if indeed fashion was the correct word to use. He patted down his pockets and rearranged the wand so it wasn't jabbing in his ribs, found a conveniently kitten sized pocket to tuck the mostly-black cat into, and found his train ticket.

He stared at it for a moment.

"Bought a ticket for a runaway train, like a madman just a laughin' at the rain, little out of touch..." he sang to himself vaguely under his breath, and put the ticket away again. Looking up, he was suddenly struck by the similarity between himself and Raphael. They could almost be mistaken for brothers with their long black hair and green eyes...

"Nathaniel?" Sarah said, "Shall we? My shout as I need to get rid of my muggle money anyway."

"Uh.. yeah.. .sure... " he pulled his mind back to the present. It occurred to him that he was in a train station with two people he'd only just met that day, and already they were better friends than any he'd found before.

There had to be something wrong with that, he reasoned, that a life could happen to a person with such soul-destroying ease.

Looking a little melancholy, he slouched after her towards the nearest kiosk.

The similarity between the two boys hadn't escaped Sarah's notice but she held back on any 'separated at birth' kind of comments in case that was another 'insert foot in mouth' type remark.

At the kiosk Sarah ordered a selection of savoury and sweet croissant and various things that could be snacked upon the train. Pumpkin pasties were OK but somewhat unimaginative. She also got coffees for them.

She was aware of a few strangely dressed adults with kids in more normal clothing hanging about with trunks, though again being London such garb would hardly draw a second glance, which was convenient really. She hadn't seen anyone as yet pass through the barrier but the enchantment upon it seemed to ensure that you never saw anyone actually walk through.

Returning with the slightly melancholy Nathaniel to Raphael, "There's still almost half an hour until the train leaves, do you want to just hang about for a while and watch some of the other students turn up or get on now?"

"You asking if we wait around in the station or not?"

Raphael thought. Should they wait around? What did he want? What was it that he truly wanted? Did he want to go to this school? Something was wrong with the situation, and he knew it. Somehow, he felt like he could only be admitted to the school as a visitor... like he had a relative there... the letter, if there had been one, it couldn't have been for him. He wasn't the one who was meant to get magic. It was wrong. Knowing just why eluded him, slipped out of his memory like a fish from slippery fingers. The fact that he could do magic was there... wrongly.... the fact that he was chosen... incorrect... the fact that he had - well, the fact was, that the bond was there was also wrong.

But it was there.

And he'd be a freak. Nobody had said it but he was old and he knew it. How would he grasp anything that thy put down before him? He'd be a neophyte. He'd be unable to do magic to anything like the degree that the others would. Poor Nathaniel, thought Raphael, he'll have a tough time, but at least people will look after him. I can look after myself. They already know it. They won't bother with me.

The glum look that was on Nathaniel's face was mirrored by the frown on Raphael's. The youngster was looking at the floor. "They won't bother with me," he muttered under his breath.

Then he looked up to throw a reason at Sarah and Nathaniel, an excuse, a reason to desert. And locked eyes with first Nathaniel, and then Sarah. They'd taken him in, paid for the taxi... they'd talked to him. They'd asked him to come with them.

Suddenly all he wanted was a friend's hug, honesty between two people, to be able to talk and joke. He wanted someone close enough to admit to that he loved them and needed them, even if he denied it the next moment. As unexpected tears welled up in his eyes, he could smell the forest; there was a haunting rose scent, and the gruff feel of an old oak. He took a step towards the pair.

"I need you to put me on the train now," he told them, his voice broken. "Take me to the train before I change my mind. Nathaniel, Sarah, let's go to the train."

His voice faded off into a simple word: "please." And yet Raphael didn't once think that he could be making a fool of himself. Another pair of ice eyes, watching the plea from the darkest corners of the station, sagely nodded in approval, before bouncing a grain-filled juggling ball off a passing business woman's ear.

Nathaniel, who had been peering with morbid fascination under the lid of his coffee, put the cardboard cup down on top of his trunk and glanced at Sarah.

"Excuse us a moment." he said briefly to her, putting an arm around Raphael's shoulders and steering him off across the concourse. He sat him down on a bench and sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder, indigo robe against T-shirt.

"We're in the same situation, Raphael." Nathaniel said quietly. "We've both been landed in this. Don't give me any crap about no one's going to bother, alright? If no one else does, I will."

The kitten poked his head out of the pocket and mewled at Raphael in a friendly, encouraging manner.

"At least you know what all this wizarding lark is about, Raphael.... I don't have a bloody clue. I'm fifteen and an average student of my average classes - I'm a Muggle, for heavens sake. What I'm doing here just... escapes me. At least you've got some knowledge of this all, right...? And," Nathaniel glanced at Raphael with a small grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You're going to get on that train... because I can't NOT get on the train. I've nowhere else halfway decent to go if I don't, so if I can't miss the train, I'm not going to let you miss the train."

Sarah sipped her coffee as the two boys talked. She didn't know what they were talking about but she had a pretty good idea that it was about supporting each other through this. Male bonding.

While she waited, she turned her attention to the magical barrier that lay before them. She had an idea how to get the boys and the trolley through it with a minimum of fuss or hesitation.

Looking at Nathaniel, and shaking the memories from his mind and body, replacing them with the headache, Raphael shoved a fist in his mouth and garbled. "Grou folhr grou grant agimal?" he asked, shock settling across his features as Nathaniel had spoken of things he had been thinking...

Seeing the patient look on Nathaniel's face, although to Raphael it seemed a little... worried... all the youngster could do was remove the fist and look at him. "Don't do that - that knowing-what-I-was-thinking thing," he said as explanation, and then sighed. "I don't know what this wizarding lark is about. All I knew was that I didn't have it. I knew I didn't have it. Sarah said that you have it from birth: but - I - knew - I - did - not - have - it. And then there was hate... I hated... I truly hated..." he trailed off, a wince of pain crossing his face, as stones clashed within his mind, doors slamming in the breeze and cracking his skull.

The pain receded, and without thinking about it, Raphael scratched the cat behind the ears, looking at it for answers. Already he couldn't remember... why had he been in such a panic? "So, what did you come here to ask me?" he said, as a slight pain shot across his skull.

He looked into the cat's eyes. They were amazing - slits against the harsh station light, shining green light as all animals do... the light catching them, they glowed emerald green for a second. Raphael looked up at Nathaniel and saw the same thing - emerald green eyes, oddly familiar. He remembered why they'd come to sit here... how could he forget... why had he forgotten? He was going nuts, he told himself. Nutty. He'd been scared about getting on the train... he hadn't wanted to... and then he did... because something had been missing for a long time... friends... that was what the problem was, wasn't it? And there was something more interesting...

Had this strange person before him truly seen his panicked thoughts?

Looking at Nathaniel with a little more then curiosity, and blinking away the last of his headache, all he could do was sigh. "You sure you ain't more magical then you thought, Nathaniel? You knew what I'z thinkin'," he said, pausing. How was it that the smell of wildflowers caused him pain? What was the darkness he couldn't see into? There was darkness... a feel of bark under his fingers... "Can you see what I can't remember, Nathaniel Greenleigh?" he begged, a tone of breathless pleading once again all Nathaniel could hear.

"Gods, Raphael, if it means so much to you, I wish I could..." Nathaniel replied, touched by an odd feeling of... familiarity. He would never have dreamed of speaking so frankly to any other, far less someone he'd only just met that day. "I can't see what you're thinking except from the expressions on your face and the words in your mouth, Raph. I don't do anything out of the ordinary. I'm just a kid! I like books and music and Chinese takeaway and good movies and contact juggling... that's as far as it goes! But we're both here and I can only presume that the great and illustrious Hogwarts doesn't make mistakes, we're wizards in training.... and we can't walk away from this. I can't, you can't. We've got to see this through until the school changes its mind or it proves there's something different about us."

He kept his voice low. It being Saturday and not rush hour, Kings Cross was relatively quiet. But his overrobe had caught a few odd looks, and the last thing he wanted was to commit some sort of public gaffe. The kitten purred happily.

The other last thing he wanted was to accept this... unreality of a life. But Nathaniel had had some time to grow accustomed, however reluctantly, to the fact; while Raphael had been dropped in at the deep end even further than he had. For now, Raphael needed someone to be strong more than Nathaniel needed to be weak.

Thank god, but the panic was going. He hadn't been this bad for... for how long? Ages? Months. For months he hadn't had to think about anything except low-grade persecution by and against an annoying uncle, and getting to know himself again. But these questions... they reminded him... of... a nightmare he'd had once. Yeah. That was it.

He shrugged, and a faint grin stole into his face. "I'll cheer up, old man," replied Raphael, "I promise. And no," he mumbled, "I guess we've already left the station, on those tracks. I thought... I thought I'd be able to get here, drop everyone, and just go away. Like, not go anywhere, just kinda find somewhere else to mong about." Sighing at the confession, and the stupidity of it, he went on. "But... I've been on the train for ages. We both have. We've both been heading towards this moment, and now we're here... I guess we'll have to see it through." Their eyes met. "Buggery," remarked Raphael, suddenly grinning and relaxing, the tension gone.

"And what's all this about contact juggling," Raphael asked, as he stood upright, "isn't that where you have to do it with your feet? Like, you can't touch the balls? I know somebody who can do that..."

"Very sure." Nathaniel grinned at Raphael.

Looking over to where Sarah was, Raphael caught the eye of a passer-by and grinned his most laconic grin at the ripped trousers and indigo robe. Maybe they'd better get moving...